Preg Pics of Others

While I am reeling from my weight gain, I envy the lightweight appearance of other woman who are pregnant and still apparently wearing normal clothes.

I think I only appeared in one photo during my whole pregnancy, and it was obstructed by the frame of my mirror.

This is the author of a blog I read, and she is so cute, as is her daughter. Here is a pic of her at 38 weeks! This is the link to her blog if you are interested.

3/22 Meals

Breakfast: One flax seed waffle with almond butter and two drops of honey.

Lunch: One Amy's Light frozen lasagna (on the Dr. Oz diet, and not too gross).
Romaine, mushrooms, two grape tomatoes, black olive salad with EVOO.
16 oz. water
One liter of FIJI water at the gym

Late Afternoon Snack: Lara Bar

Pre-Dinner Snack: Almonds and half of med. apple

Dinner: Grilled butterflied chicken, spanish rice (which I have since eliminated from my diet because of the bloating and sickness), ~3T of guacamole
16 oz. water

Peace out homies.

New Leaf

As many of you know, I have taken losing weight after pregnancy seriously considering I allowed my self to gain..are you ready...50 pounds. I went to the OB the other day for my check-up and thankfully everything but my weight is in check. I had not allowed the nurses to tell me what my weight was the last two months, so I had no idea. When she said the weight aloud, I almost died. She said to me, "You've already lost 22 pounds!" This meant nothing to me. All I knew was that I was still 27 pounds heavier than my start weight. 27 pounds. Wow. So, the detox was just the start. 27 pounds calls for a complete lifestyle change not just cutting down what you eat. The other sad thing is when I got pregnant, I was religiously going to the gym at 5:30 a.m., and had eliminated all carbs. I lost about eight pounds, but this was after weighing in at my highest ever. So, I was about 10 pounds heavier than I would have liked even when I got pregs. So, I really have 37 pounds to lose. However, for the sake of keeping me sane in any way, I'm going to just use 27 pounds as a goal. I mean, how crazy can it get?

I have been adhering pretty religiously to the CLEAN diet's approved list of foods, but I just can't go raw or take a bunch of pills every day, so I've added modifications to help with that. I also happened to read an article by Dr. Oz in Good Housekeeping this month about keeping a Mediterranean diet which many people have praised over the years. It had a lot of similar tips and foods as CLEAN without the major restrictions, so I've added some of those foods in. CLEAN wants you to avoid all refined sugars, glutens, alcohol, simple carbs, and dairy. This is hard. The Oz plan includes lots of whole wheat options, and alternatives to traditional sweets.

So, I am going to try to blog what I eat every day to keep me on track. This place is going to be my chubby checker. I have often tried to keep a food log, and two days I will forget and that is the end of it forever. I'm sure I will do the same here, but maybe knowing I have a public audience reading what I put into my body will help me both stay on track and log. Aren't you excited? I will also try to post something fun with my meal logs so you can keep entertained. You know, it's all about you.

I will also attempt to find a scale to weigh myself every week to see if I have lost anything. My target loss date is June 21st. This is the day we leave for Italy for our dear friends Rob and Valentina's wedding. They have graciously asked us to stand up for them at their wedding, and I can't be up on the alter of a beautiful Italian castle with a big ass belly and thunder thighs. What would the Italians think of me? If there is a designer dress in my future, I better not be trying to fit my heifer shape into it.

Next on the agenda, water. I like it very much, but I have a hard time fitting it in. Some days, I go without drinking anything at all. That ain't good. More water, more water, more water.

The last thing I have to do is buy a few pairs of jeans in my fat size. I simply cannot continue to wear maternity jeans. I hate them, and I literally wear the same thing every day. I've actually become one of those women who you see on Regis or Rachael Ray that they made over for wearing yoga pants and pulling her hair back in a ponytail every day.

Enough already Jen. Now, I will post my meals from yesterday.

Breakfast: One slice of thousand grain bread with 1T of organic/all natural peanut butter (which is super gross by the way. I bought almond butter last night and had it today with a bit of honey and it is so much better)
1C of decaf coffee (this is one thing I cannot give up) with one packet of Stevia, and Silk Soy milk creamer

Lunch: Filed green salad of butter lettuce, slivered almonds, 2T of goat cheese (which I picked off half), and 1T of olive oil
Not sure measurement of soup I had, but it was a delish Vegan artichoke, brussel sprout, and portobello mushroom number
16 oz. water

Dinner: Home made salad of romaine with mushrooms, artichoke hearts, string beans, grape tomatoes--all raw.
One hard boiled egg.
One San Pellegrino water

Clean and Sober

I have been on the CLEAN diet for 15 days now. Shake for breakfast and dinner, and lunch within guidelines of the diet. Let's just say I've gone through 3 pounds of salmon! Lyla has truly been enjoying the "smoothie" making. She loves to add the ice, and especially the gross, gritty powder I have to put into it. She even licks the spoon with the powdery dirt on it, and loves it. I cringe with every scoop. Things have gotten better on the shake front. The first day, I didn't realize I was supposed to blend it into a shake and mix fruit into it. So, I just added the powder to water. I gagged and dry heaved into the sink straight away. It was completely repulsive. I immediately posted to the online community, and everyone wrote back that I was cracked for not adding fruit and blending it. So, that quickly got me in check. Otherwise, it's been pretty good thus far. I do it for 21 days to detox my disgusting post-pregnancy body, and perhaps shock me into eating well for longer. Like most diets for me, I will lose weight, be happy I lost a little weight, then gain it all back and look for a new diet. I am the heaviest I've ever been, obviously, and it's alarming, so I am also considering hypnotherapy. More on that later.

I can't drink on the detox, which is fine since I've abstained for nearly ten months already. Although, Trent opened a bottle of wine last night, and could have gone for a glass. Whatevs, I live.

I suppose being ashamed of my body has been positive for my spending. I haven't bought any clothes in a long, long time since nothing will look good or fit. But, as usual I fantasize about how cute I would look in clothes made for thin people, and these are my newest picks.

Suvi Ruched Tank Bathing Suit
J. Crew $225
I see me wearing this through Europe with one of those Esther Williams bathing caps and big glasses. While, I'm still dreaming, I might throw a pair of sky high wedges in the mix for good measure. In this dream, I also look great in red lipstick. Yes, I'm wearing that too.





Fete Sequined Mini and Nautical Others
J. Crew
I have a skirt just like this that I have never worn because it's too short and I would be stared at in Baltimore. I also own about 15 shirts that look like this. I lastly own a pair of silver brogues, also worn only once since my feet grew again during pregnancy. I'm really so lucky. So, I could technically put this outfit together easily. Would it look effortless like this? Absolutely not. I would for sure look like a complete dork with a look that seems forced and a bod that can't carry it. Woe is me.













Tomboy Sweatshirt Tee and Others
Madwell
I love this kind of look. Relaxed denim shorts with a boy-style vest and feminine blouse. It's true, I haven't worn denim shorts since my freshman year of college, but they looked just like this, and I adored them. Why didn't I save them?

Those are my week's faves. Now...I have a lot of cleansing to do ladies and gents. Lotta cleansing.

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"I refused to just wither in place"

Today's blog title is from the song Wildflowers by Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt. I heard it on Big Love on Sunday night, and I've been loving it since. I played it for Lyla, and for once in her life she both allowed me to play music deemed as "mommy's" and actually enjoyed it.

I don't like to get too mushy on the walterbean, and I don't often pat myself on the back for anything, but I have to say, in the very few weeks since I've been home with Lyla, I have found our relationship growing stronger, and also her willingness to comply with our parental requests changing. I've definitely stood some ground to get her over the hump, but she has been so very good and sweet I could just eat her up. And my other sugar lump has been such a good girl too. Cute, good sleeper and eater, and seems to really enjoy her new fam.

I vowed during the short three months I was home, that I would do a few things:
1. I would cook lunch and dinner for Lyla as often as I could.
2. We would sit down for family dinner every night at the table.
3. Lyla will try new foods.
4. We would cut tv to a minimum when there are a million other things to do in the world.
5. I would go to all of the things I don't get to see Lyla do when I'm at work: ballet, school, gym.
6. I would spend more time with Trent and Lyla and Eden every day.

The results in such a short time are staggering already.
1. Because I get home so late from work, I never really get to cook for my family on week days. I'll just say that she gets a not-so-special combination of meals during the day. Every day for the last two weeks Lyla has helped me make almost all lunches, and now, some dinners. She loves to be given jobs to do, and tonight, she said she couldn't wait to taste what we made. Since those not-so-special meals consist of not-so-great ingredients, that I would rather Lyla not be eating every day, I'm jazzed that she is helping and understanding what real food is. I always leave veggies and hint at my preferences of what I would like her to eat, but when those veggies are mashed up with spaghetti-o's and weird hot dogs, it appeals to Lyla about as much as it appeals to you. Enough said.
2. Since we've been eating together, Lyla will sit at the table the whole time, which is crazy. It was very hard in the past to get her to sit at the table because we rarely did it. There is some bargaining about getting a Crayon Popsicle involved, but hey, I'm not a complete miracle worker. This is the one thing I would like to really try to figure out after I go back to work. I ate with my family every night, and it's where everyone came together. All the time.
3. So, to jump to #3, Lyla has had pierogies, pasta with pesto, tilapia, meat loaf, and a host of vegetables to boot. Some nights she fights a bit, but she eventually caves. Tonight, I was so proud to be a mom. Corny yes. True? Yes. I diced the garlic, Lyla put it in the pot. She then added some reggiano to the string beans. She also poured in the olive oil, the salt and pepper, and threw the pasta into the pot. She even picked all the basil from the plant, and tasted the leaves! The whole time it was cooking, she was asking when it would be ready, and that this would be the best dinner ever. Lyla set the table, and the two of us (Trent is away for work this week) sat together, talked about the food and life. I was so proud of me and her for getting to this. It seems like a no brainer. The family dinner. However, my work doesn't allow me to do this on a regular basis, so being able to get to this place was pretty special for me.
4. We waited until Lyla was two before we allowed tv. She doesn't watch a ton of tv, but she does love it. Some days, she watches more tv than I would like. I don't know what happens during the day when I'm at work, but let's just say I'm surprised how many tv theme songs Lyla knows considering she only watches three shows with us. It is very tempting during continuous snow days to park her in front of movies, but it has been really fun having in-house adventures instead. Normally, when I have Lyla all day, I plan the whole day so we're out and doing things all the time. Lately, I've just enjoyed staying home, making Valentines, painting, singing, and having cooking shows (which consists of Lyla pulling out every tupperware, utensil, and serving piece we own and acting out an elaborate meal prep). Most days, she watches one or two shows when she wakes up, then doesn't watch anything else. The other night, she actually turned down the opportunity to watch Max and Ruby, and tonight, when I let her watch a show, right in the middle, she asked for me to turn off the tv so we could go upstairs to read. It's just amazing how enjoyable this time has been, and how we can kill six or eight hours without it even seeming long. I have no voice at the end of every day, but it's worth it.
5. I usually do get to take Lyla to school and pick her up which is awesome, but I never get to see her at ballet. This is truly a laugh. Lyla stares at herself in the mirror the whole time, and either makes faces, or pulls her tutu up to her chest. The whole thing is a bit of a joke, but she likes it, and the teacher seems pretty patient. Although, Lyla told us the teacher told her she wasn't paying attention last week.
6. Overall, it's nice to relax and take some time to just be laid back with my girls. It's also so nice to be home when Trent gets home. It seems like we're together so much longer. It's going to be really hard to go back to the fast-paced, stressful workplace. There are rewards to my work, and when I'm there and in it, I feel my confidence. But it's gonna be hard to let these little cookies go in April. But, I won't be withering in place either.

So far so good on action items 1 through 6.

January Round Up

So, today is Wednesday, and baby Eden is two weeks old. It has been a wonderful two weeks with her and of course seeing how amazing Lyla has been with her. Being home with both my girls has been so nice as well. Normally, I am so focused on getting out of the house and doing something with Lyla when I'm home with her, but I've realy enjoyed hanging out at home doing puzzles, making food (which we always do a lot of when we're snowed in), and practicing writing letters which Lyla seems really interested in now. Trent has also been home for the last two days which makes snow days even more fun. We all look forward to Dad being home.

We're a little tired, but we get to sleep a decent amount, and since I'm not breastfeeding this time, Trent and I split the feedings which gives me relief to doze during the 5:00 a.m. feedings. This child is totally dead asleep during the overnight feedings, so we're going to let her sleep through the night per our suspicion of her being able to do it for at least five hours, and upon the doc's recommendation. She's already gained a pound, so she's good to go. We'll see how she does.

Eden has already made appearances at the mall, Bertucci's, and Panera Bread. She loves to dine and chat just like we do. Today, we bumped into our friend Ashley and her friends Stephanie and Ben and their kids, and we all had a nice snow day lunch together. Lyla was all the way on the end yapping it up about Home Alone, her new obsession, and singing her repertoire of hits to the whole group. Boy does this kid love Panera Bread.

I've also made some progress on the nursery. The bedding came in, the wings are up, and most of the essentials fit into the one dresser that fits in there. Luckily, I cleared some of Lyla's old stuff out of her room, and her dresser and bins are doing double duty for both kiddies. That's it for now. Lyla is beckoning me to bake cupcakes, so duty calls.

Silver Sneaks

I am very excited to announce that I am the proud owner of a pair of silver Chuck Taylors. I have been hunting for them since I saw Jackie Warner wear them on Workout (horrible show on Bravo) two years ago. Nowhere ever has the plain silver leather ones. So, I had finally resorted to getting a replacement pair for my white ones which I've owned since LA. They are beaten to hell.

I stopped into Lady Foot Locker by chance on Monday, and they had them! Of course they didn't have my size, so I had to order them but they arrived in two days. I am happily wearing them today around my horribly swollen feet. None of my flats fit, and I have been trying to avoid wearing UGG boots at all costs, but they are nice and wide and comfy. I made the mistake of wearing four inch wedge boots the other day in a last ditch effort to make my legs look thinner, and I ended up having to elevate the sausages all night after that. I have one pair of beater loafers from the Gap of all places that have been containing my feet for the last week, so it's nice to have something different on for a change.

I've also officially decided after yesterday's weigh-n at the doc's office that I am going to need a radical weight loss program to get myself into gear after this. I have taken liberties I should not have taken over the last nine months, and I am certainly about to pay the price. There is no distinction between my face, chin, or neck right now. My ass is so big, I honestly look at it in amazement at night when I sneak into the bedroom to change (so Trent couldn't possible witness this kind of show). My thighs are thunderous, and I think the fat from my quads is starting to hang over my knees in shame.

I conveniently got an email from GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow's blog about everything she loves, and everything I can't afford. One of her many diets/cleanses is the CLEAN Program which she swears by, as do all the other crazy celebs. You may have read some of my old posts about doing the Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanse, which I've done about five or six times at this point. Unfortunately, the last two times haven't worked as well as in the earlier attempts. The salt water only made me throw up, and the lax tea didn't help me go, so I was a mess all week. So, I'm onto something new, and this has my name all over it. I'll wait until February, then take it on. I have to drink a shake in the morning, something off their approved food list for lunch which I'm sure is just delish, and a shake for dinner with a bunch of probiotic pills to go with it. I don't think those have anything funny in them, but my body responds pretty seriously to stuff. I can barely drink decaf coffee without getting the jitters. About six months ago, I tried SlimQuick I think, and after three days, I was completely off my rocker. Spaced out, jitters, freak energy but in a bad way. They were totally uppers, and I just can't handle the druggy uppers route. I would be a terrible addict.

I wish I could just trust myself to simply eat better and exercise, but I've grown lazy in nature, and love to eat chocolate and ice cream. I am convinced I was born to be fat. Even in and after college during my thinnest era, I was never truly thin and I ate nothing, never drank, and worked out twice a day. So, it proves my body is incapable of being truly thin. So, now all I can do is build up some will power to combat it, and complain about it.

Not much progress

As my due date draws near (one week from today), the room has not shaped up any further. It now houses bags of Trent's old clothes and hangers from his required closet clean. In our house things just move from one hidden closet area to the next. In the pics here you will see those bags.
Lyla also has the baby's play mat in here, which takes up half the room.

I have no floor lamp, just my old desk lamp from my office. The ball lamp we hung, I like, but it uses the world's most eye sore lightbulb that could burn your retina if looked at directly. It makes the place like a tanning booth when it's on.

I moved the rocking chair from Lyla's room in there, which is nice, since it blocked the closet from opening in her room. I took the yellow slip cover off of it, and it looks better, but I realized it had the cover for a reason. It's all gross underneath. Marks and stains from juice and god knows what else.

The bassinet is there with no sheet, and filled with a boppy, some fabric flags, onesies, and an assortment of Lyla trinkets.

One highlight is I bought a poof! I just love these little things, and I've always wanted a place to house one, and now I have it.

Still waiting to put up the wings above the dresser, this will help jazz up the place for the poor kid. I spied a hamper I want from Resto, and it is now on sale, so I want to get it soon. I have some other wire baskets for diapers that will match this, and when I put the new shelves I bought (but made longer just for little old me) over the crib/bassinet, I will put them on there. Of course, those won't be done/delivered until February along with the crib bedding and the window treatment. So, come March, this room will be ready to be lived in. That is, if we don't move first (since I'm going nuts from the lack of space lately)!