Silver Sneaks

I am very excited to announce that I am the proud owner of a pair of silver Chuck Taylors. I have been hunting for them since I saw Jackie Warner wear them on Workout (horrible show on Bravo) two years ago. Nowhere ever has the plain silver leather ones. So, I had finally resorted to getting a replacement pair for my white ones which I've owned since LA. They are beaten to hell.

I stopped into Lady Foot Locker by chance on Monday, and they had them! Of course they didn't have my size, so I had to order them but they arrived in two days. I am happily wearing them today around my horribly swollen feet. None of my flats fit, and I have been trying to avoid wearing UGG boots at all costs, but they are nice and wide and comfy. I made the mistake of wearing four inch wedge boots the other day in a last ditch effort to make my legs look thinner, and I ended up having to elevate the sausages all night after that. I have one pair of beater loafers from the Gap of all places that have been containing my feet for the last week, so it's nice to have something different on for a change.

I've also officially decided after yesterday's weigh-n at the doc's office that I am going to need a radical weight loss program to get myself into gear after this. I have taken liberties I should not have taken over the last nine months, and I am certainly about to pay the price. There is no distinction between my face, chin, or neck right now. My ass is so big, I honestly look at it in amazement at night when I sneak into the bedroom to change (so Trent couldn't possible witness this kind of show). My thighs are thunderous, and I think the fat from my quads is starting to hang over my knees in shame.

I conveniently got an email from GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow's blog about everything she loves, and everything I can't afford. One of her many diets/cleanses is the CLEAN Program which she swears by, as do all the other crazy celebs. You may have read some of my old posts about doing the Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanse, which I've done about five or six times at this point. Unfortunately, the last two times haven't worked as well as in the earlier attempts. The salt water only made me throw up, and the lax tea didn't help me go, so I was a mess all week. So, I'm onto something new, and this has my name all over it. I'll wait until February, then take it on. I have to drink a shake in the morning, something off their approved food list for lunch which I'm sure is just delish, and a shake for dinner with a bunch of probiotic pills to go with it. I don't think those have anything funny in them, but my body responds pretty seriously to stuff. I can barely drink decaf coffee without getting the jitters. About six months ago, I tried SlimQuick I think, and after three days, I was completely off my rocker. Spaced out, jitters, freak energy but in a bad way. They were totally uppers, and I just can't handle the druggy uppers route. I would be a terrible addict.

I wish I could just trust myself to simply eat better and exercise, but I've grown lazy in nature, and love to eat chocolate and ice cream. I am convinced I was born to be fat. Even in and after college during my thinnest era, I was never truly thin and I ate nothing, never drank, and worked out twice a day. So, it proves my body is incapable of being truly thin. So, now all I can do is build up some will power to combat it, and complain about it.