I Hate it on Everything

I hate balsamic vinaigrette. It tastes terrible on everything, and yet every place serves it. Why?
To be honest, I really don't like balsamic vinegar either. It is so strong, and smells like dirt, rain, ironing water, ammonia, and school cafeteria all at once.

The guys I work just brought me a delightful salad with greens, strawberries, apples, turkey, walnuts and mandarin oranges. I couldn't wait to dig in, when I saw the dreaded little brown container of dressing. The balsamic vinaigrette. My day was practically ruined. Luckily, the squash I steamed with my eggs this morning was an absolute delight, or the whole day would have been a culinary wash.

I also hate dry salad, so I reluctantly poured the horrible sauce onto it. Now everything tastes and smells like it. The saving grace is the strawberries, whose sweet goodness counteracts the vinegar's cannibalism over everything else.

The only balsamic that is good, is really expensive and/or good quality balsamic. I bought a tiny bottle of balsamic in the Outer Banks of NC this summer for about $15. It has a very potent, sweet flavor to it, and doesn't taste like vinegar at all. It's the only kind I have dared to add to salad, or japanese pears (with gorgonzola--yay!), or other soft cheeses. You only need a few drops to make a big impact. I think once or twice I've had good balsamic in nicer restaurants because I haven't gagged when it arrives, but I've never bought it for us for fear it will be as gross as the cheap kind. I did buy my sister-in-law Helen's parents a bottle a few years ago for about $60. I wonder how it was. I should ask for a splash next time I see them.

A cheap balsamic, which is served at most take-out type cafes is always the same and always awful--guaranteed.
You know when you go into an Italian restaurant, and you are so psyched when the bread gets delivered nice and warm, with a napkin on top perhaps? The nice waiter pours some olive oil for you in a dish, adds a little salt and crushed pepper. You're just about to wipe the plate clean with the warm treat when he hits it with a splash of balsamic. What the...
It's always a svengali move. It comes from nowhere. It's just on the plate. I don't even think the waiter walks up to the table with it in his hands. He must hind it knowing he's about to ruin your pre-meal bliss. It goes from the best moment of your life, to the worst in just one pour. We all know how much we enjoy something free at a restaurant before the meal too. Whether it be bread (good or bad it doesn't matter), olives, or the occasional gherkin, soft pretzel, or even an amuse bouche. We love it. So, to take all that joy away is a crime in my book. They probably do it so you limit your bread intake.

Don't even get me started on how balsamic it ruins every drink, especially red wine. It's like having two red wines. One terrible, and one worse than terrible. You know how they say no wine goes with Chinese food? No anything goes with balsamic vinegar. End of story. Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu. Auf wiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell.