Indecision

I have gone back and forth on the baby's room so many time, that I finally had to commit, and be done with it. It all started this weekend at Calico Corners. I brought in a picture of this window treatment I wanted that I knew would be perfect for the room, and give it a polished look, with a touch of chartreuse as punch. Well, when we were all through adding up the work that would need to be done, it came to $1,200! Yikes. As much as my dreams were shattered, I couldn't justify it. Plus, there is really no other place around where you can get window treatments, so you're at the mercy of this place who's obviously cornered the market in Baltimore County. Since all of their treatments take 8-10 weeks, I had to make a snap decision and just went with a balloon/roman blend on the spot. I am using the chartreuse material I was originally only going to use as trim on the other one, so who knows if this thing will end up overboard or not. Nothing I can do. Can't return the thing, so I'll have to live with it regardless of how it comes out.

I also chose bedding. I was going to re-use Lyla's lovely bedding from Dwell, but it is pink and dark brown with trees, and it didn't really fit with the new lavender gig. So, I went to my favorite place Etsy to have it all done. Of course the bedding won't be done until after the baby arrives, because I waited so long. Luckily this kid will be in a bassinet for a bit, cuz there ain't nothin' coming together in that room. Every night Lyla runs in there and yells, "Echo!" It's like a cave. Cold and cavernous. I have decided to do a darker gray for the floor in there, since I'm afraid of it either getting too matchy/matchy, which I hate, or too circussy with every color. Either could occur at this point, so I'm feeling very uneasy. I wish I had a better gift of focusing myself and knowing what will look good. Actually, I know that rip off $1,200 window would have been perfect, it's my new all-green window that scares me. It could come off looking awfully grinchy in there.

So, here is the bedding...

The small print is the bed skirt, and the larger floral print is the bumper.
Like I said, purple can easily take over, and this room is purely purple. I know I'm going to end up hating in two weeks, especially with this nutty green balloon shade. Who convinced me away from neutrals? Mom, Judy. We'll see what happens. I can wait until she's in a big girl bed, then re-work. Or, we move! Yay.

Skinny Wants

As the holidays are upon us, I ponder all the ritzie things in life. These underpinnings, black and whites, and of course a little treat for Lyla caught my eye tonight. Here they are:




















1. Ophelia Black Silk Playsuit


2. Olivka Silk Backless Bra


3. Nina Ricci Robe en dentelle


4. Reversible Grassy Plains Dress


5. Fendi Deco Bow Satin Pump


6. Black Walnut Dress


7. Alice + Olivia Striped Emmie Dress

Those were the days!

There are very few pictures of me that I like, but this may be one of them. In fact, this may be one of the best pictures ever taken of me. Of course I'm making a biker chick face, and I'm saying F-you to the camera with my hand gesture, but I don't look like a hugely fat boy like I do in most pictures. This was some type of after party at a Dave and Buster's near my LA office (these are my co-workers with me in the pic).

I forget sometimes how crazy my hair was back then. BTW, this picture was taken four years ago. My how things change. I do still have that t-shirt though, and I had the sweater tied around my waist until last week when the moths got to it. I loved that sweater so much too. I bought it the year I moved to LA. Hello!

Lavender is Busting out All Over

You know when you see something in a magazine, or online that you love for your home, and it's executed so perfectly that you want to do it yourself? I feel this way a lot, and more often than not my execution of these concepts fails, and I end up either having a half realized aesthetic, or it doesn't work at all, and I have to start over.

I'm hoping this isn't the case with the baby's room. I have included a pic of the first coat of the room. Keep in mind that the picture definitely portrays the room a lot more purple than it is. However, it is a lot of color.


To both avoid it looking too baby roomish, and too overwhelming, I want to contrast with floor tiles in the entire room. I was thinking of a gray first, and to be safe I may still do that. However, I saw some wild prints on Flor, and thought, maybe I just go Jonathan Adler on the place, and make the whole thing bold. I hesitate to do this because most people don't pull this off right unless they have all the components to do so in place, and I'm not sure I do. I can't just throw in some crazy rug, and then not go all the way. When I've gone all the way before, I've always regretted it too.



Here are the rug options I thought of in the room:

1. Just gray







2. Sophistikat: I like the chevron pattern (shown in navy) but either in the gray or yellowish green color to really contrast the walls.











3. Hot Pink: Hello world! It's me baby! Yes, this makes a bold statement, but I kinda dig it, and can use a lot of other colors with it. I do enjoy the mix and match.










4. Feelin' Groovy: This is Trent's fave. I do enjoy this color, but am afriad it might be too out there for the floor. If I do a gray rug, I am seriously considering doing a chartreuse window treatment. I saw an amazing color drape in Elle Decor this month that is driving that decision.




5. Rrrroar: Animal print? Who doesn't love one? With the reflux this baby causes me, she must be an animal!





6. Lattice: Every decor mag has a feature of someone's house with either a huge chevron print, or a huge lattice rug,
and I'm always drawn to it because it reminds me
of classic modern and old Hollywood.



Any advice or feedback is welcomed to help me get my ass in gear this month. I know windows will be the hardest for me, they always are. Plus, Lyla's treatments took eight weeks to make, so I better think hard now about what I want. Even though she won't be in the room right away, if I half-ass it, it will never be done.

Baby Room Redesign

After all the talk about what I planned to do in the baby room, and it's all changed again. Some parties related to me were not on board with my neutral palette, and therefore I was convinced to do a color. Much of the house is being reworked to indeed utilize a much more neutral color scheme, since I think it makes the clutter seem less offensive and obvious. It also soothes me more.














I have provided a few pics of what the room looked like prior to our "Easy" renovation of this teeny room.

It has been a long road preparing for getting the baby's room together:
1. I spent five hours clearing all the shelves of boxes, paper, crafts, glue nails, and markers.
2. I spent two hours sifting through old crap and trashing
3. Trent lifted all the boxes to the third floor, where they now happily live in the middle of the room.
4. I spent three hours clearing the closet where the happy boxes are supposed to be moving to get them out of the way. Problem is, I have already had to go into those boxes for assorted holiday trimmings and projects, so this home will be a nightmare for me to get to anything. Alas, we have no choice.
5. Trent spent six hours steaming sawgrass wallpaper off the two walls with paper in there.
6. I spent 30 minutes trash talking while he did the above.
7. My parents came over the course of three days to remove the remaining wallpaper, sand and prep the walls for paint, remove mollies, clean windowsills and gross stuff, and begin painting.
8. Trent and my parents worked most of the day last Sunday painting the ceiling and trim. Lyla and I painted a city on the walls that haven't received real wall paint yet. I spilled all over the floor. Lyla spilled nothing.
9. Trent took piles of bags of old clothes from the third floor to goodwill to make room for the happy boxes that need to go in the closet that is still 1/4 full of junk that I can't clean because of the window air conditioner blocking the way.
10. I prayed to the heavens to give me the patience and strength to deal with the fact that there is never anywhere to put things in our house.

Outstanding Items
1. Prime all walls in nursery.
2. Paint all walls in nursery.
3. Set-up nursery with crib, dresser, and awesome wood angel wings I found at shop in Baltimore.
4. Purchase window treatments, new crib skirt (linen), rug, and fun endings to decor for the nursery.
5. Take air conditioners down to the basement, so I can re-add clear out basement to my 40 before list.
6. Clean out remaining junk in third floor closet.
7. Add happy boxes to closet.
8. Pray again.

I'll post work in progress pics as I remember to take them...

Reality Check

I woke up yesterday with some major pressure on the pelvis. The last week has produced increased discomfort and pressure on lots of stuff. I constantly feel like I have a bladder infection because this child's head rests right on my bladder. I go 100 times a day, with a little squirt each time. I can never believe it because it feel like I have to go so badly. Normally, I don't make time to go to the bathroom. It's some odd laziness I have about leaving my desk and walking to the bathroom. It seems so far, it will take so long to waddle there, pull everything down, pee, scrub up, return to my desk, etc. But now, I've wasted at least 15 minutes a day in there.

The short of it is, the pressure has been building, and to be gross, the nether regions have been swelling. Of course, my borderline mute doctor who never says more than five words to me every appointment just said it's normal, which is her stock response to everything. She has never, in the last 4.5 years I've been going to her said anything else, elaborated once on any question I've asked her, or provided any level of support in any way. I stay with her because everyone raves what a great doctor she is, and to be honest, she gave me the best possible scar outcome from a c-section. There's barely anything there. And frankly, maybe it's better to not hear all the detailed explanations of things. I just get my Labcorp blood request and go on my merry way.

Even though the swelling "down there" is indeed normal, what I didn't know, and what I found out yesterday is that it's a cyst full of fluid that can be helped just a bit with a good old fashioned sitz bath. Can't wait to do that. I thought I was off the hook from these since I did not give birth vaginally, but ladies, ahem, and gentlemen, I look like I have one ball down there. Something needs to be done. So, looks like I won't be spaing it up this weekend, just sitzing. It's kind of like kibitzing, you just do it with you and the toilet bowl.

Again, this is all sideways of what happened. The longer I sat at my desk, the worse the pain got, and I felt like I could barely sit any longer. So, I just decided to call the doctor's office to see if it was normal pain/discomfort. I was expecting them to tell me to come into the office today to check things out, but they called me back to say that the doctor on call said to come to Labor and Delivery as soon as I could. This definitely surprised me, and made me a little worried that there was a small chance the baby could be born (last night). I called Trent, and we decided it was best to have him drive me, just in case. We talked the whole way up about how little we had prepared for the arrival of the baby, and decided that this would be our wake up call to get some things in order. Have a car seat at the ready, diapers, wipes, burp clothes, rockers, etc. That was, if the kid wasn't coming, and we didn't have to send my parents or someone else to make an ER trip to Babies R Us.

The ten mile walk though GBMC to Labor and Delivery actually eased the pain a bit. Even though I constantly felt like I had a rod wedged up my butt. I was waiting for them to tell me I just had to fart, and that I should eat beans or brussel sprouts and they'd see me in a week. They didn't do that. They hooked me up and monitored me for about 30 minutes. The buxom nurse practitioner who gave Trent quite a boob show gave me an internal, and casually discussed the soft cervix and how she was touching the head. Of the baby, not Trent's you know what. She didn't go that far. Geez. Dirty birds.
My translation to that was: this kid is all about being in the birth position. What's up with that with two months to go? She better find her way back up into a neutral position, because we are not trying to have her early. After the exam, and some prodding by the doctor too, it seems it's all good. No labor, no infection that they know of, no farts. They said it's her head being right in there, and the stretching of my c-section scar causing some excess pain and pressure.
Relief for now. I haven't even started xmas shopping, how stressful would that have been?

All night was a little uncomfortable, but I fell asleep super early, in the middle of the Ravens/Falcons debacle in fact. Probably best I slept through that.

I feel better today, and was able to easily attend Lyla's parent/teacher conference at school. Teacher loves Lyla, thank goodness.

All's well that ends well.

A Must See?

I haven't wanted to see a movie in about two years. In fact I'm trying to jar my memory to even remember what movie it was I last wanted to see. I think it might have been "An Education" which I wanted to see, but ended up seeing many months later via rental on iTunes on a flight. That may have also been the last good movie I have seen, and I saw that about a year ago. Although, I did catch The American President late one night two weeks ago. Who doesn't love that flick?

I'm a big Hemingway fan, so when I saw that one of his works, "The Garden of Eden" which was published posthumously about twenty years after his death (he never finished it), I was very intrigued to see how they would handle it.

I normally cringe at anything with Mena Suvari, but her role in this looks pretty decent and mature. I have included the trailer, but I am definitely making some kind of appointment to see this. I have actually not read this book, but started it about ten years ago while I was on a Hemingway kick. I never finished. Kindle, get ready to get rekindled by my cold hand.

10 Fall Essentials Under $200

Since, I cannot wear normal clothes, and I dream of the day I can EVER wear a mini skirt, I continue to dream on behalf of others. I have been obsessing about fall clothes lately, and since it has become increasingly difficult to buy anything for less than $200, I decided to make a list of my top 10. A few of them, I have actually purchased as well!

#1 The marled lambswool après cardigan from J. Crew for $135
I bought this sweater because my big-ass belly can just hang out from within those flaps without a care in the world. The vest underneath? Uh, I don't think so skinny girl.

#2 Rachel Zoe Slouchy Square Hobo from QVC for $38.68. Yes, you read that correctly! Don't pay attention to the fact that it is made of 100% PVC please. It might ruin the enjoyment of this bag.

#3 Pins and Needles Puff Sleeve Faux Fur Coat from Urban Outfitters for $168. I was NOT into UO for a very long time, but they have come back with some very cool stuff the last six months. I have bought quite a lot from their extremely reasonably priced lines lately. I also love a fur coat, always have. My godmother used to give me her daughter's hand-me-down fur rabbit clothes as a kid. I rocked those furs like I was the muse of J. Mendel.


#4 The Charleen flat at Sam Edelman avail at Nordtrom for $49.90
I like Sam Edelman shoes because they are cute, decently made, comfy, and cheap. These flats, available in six colors (not all at Nordstrom) are very classic, but of the moment as well. You can opt for a neutral pair, but I just love the magenta ones.

#5 Ruffle t-shirt dress by Free People for $128.
If I were a rail, I would wear this with black tights and boots in a second. You could also layer it with a funky henley underneath, and one of my fur vests or coats over top. Even a big scarf would look good with it. I fantasize about the ease of wearing something like this, but alas, it is reserved for toothpicks, not I.

#6 Last Dance Dotted Dress at Madewell for $178.
I am loving just about everything at J. Crew's little sister this season, and this perfect dress is nor exception. It's a fantastic out to dinner option, or a dress down with denim option with a cool, vibrant-hued tight. I want it, I want it, I want it.

#7 The Long ruffle skirt from Talbots for $199
This is a quintessential Jen item. I have always been a sucker for a long skirt, and add ruffles to it, and I
m first in line. I have not yet bought this given my current shape, but I'm scared to wait thinking they may not have it later in the season. Also, can you believe it's Talbots? I just received their new catalog, and there were several things like this (minus that weird turtleneck and mom jeans) and this, that I think I want as well.

#8 Kim Skinny Jeans by DL1961 at ShopBop for $158. I will never buy these jeans because my ass will never been, and I don't even think was born this small. However, the rinse is divine, and the cuff makes it for me. I love a cuffed skinny jean.

#9 Brynn Skinny Cargo Pant from Delia's for $49.50
Yes, the cargo is back and has been reinvented. While I prefer the ones on Madewell.com, I didn't want to dupe, and I had to find them at a good price, so I went to my old reliable tween source, Delia's. Girls, remember to order larger since this store carries Junior sizing. I like this pair because they can still be cute or sexy. Throw on a sky high Jimmy Choo like these, which I am waiting to buy for myself as a push gift, and a flowing top with a black leather mini jacket over, and you're ready for anything.

#10 Leather Mini from the Gap for $228.00.
I know this goes over the limit, but if you buy it with the ruffle blouse for just $59.50, the look will be worth it. This ensemble looks just great in this pic, all put together, however, this girl is a model, so reality check this outfit. The sweater may be hideous, and Gap sweaters on the whole are crap, so buyer beware. Without the sweater this look could seem forced, so you might have to grab an understated fur vest, a long tuxedo jacket in a neutral color, or bag the shirt to wear with faded skinny jeans and flats, then add a boatneck blouse in cream and some flat brown boots to set off the leather skirt. Regardless, the skirt is very versatile, as you can see by my comments above.

Yes, I've Popped Ok!

So, yes, my belly has popped. There is no shadow of a doubt I am pregnant. Less than five pictures have been taken of me pregnant, so I cannot show how big I am because the other parts of my body that are also that big needn't be documented. I always think I'm big and fat, but lately people haven't shied away from telling me. The depression of it all has only made me eat more. I'm obsessed with sweets. Cookies, candy, ice cream, you name it. It also seems the house has been stocked with these things even though I have not bought them. I feel slightly out of control, and I know losing this weight will be an even bigger challenge. I dream of wearing cute clothes that I see in magazines and online but I truly don't think I will ever be thin again. I last weighed in at "thin" when I was 120 pounds when we got married. That was almost eight years ago. Where has the time, I mean, weight gone? To my ass? Yes. To my thighs? Oh yes? Even to my calves? It is possible, folks, and the answer is yes.

Last week a co-worker told me NOT to visit Newport Beach (while I was in CA). I didn't understand why he said this, so I inquired. He looked at me as if I should have known, but he went on to tell me that the women are so skinny there, and only have little bumps. So, obviously I would feel very self-conscious there because I am so gross and huge. He didn't say the second part, but he was obviously telling me that I would feel pretty bad about myself in the company of these women. This was after he had told me two months ago that he could tell I was having a girl because I showed everything from behind. I wish I could make this stuff up, but it is all true.
I gained eight pounds in six weeks between my past two appointments at the doctor. This is above average. The average is one to two pounds. I jokingly told the nurse that maybe I should cut down on the ice cream sandwiches, and with a concerned glare, she concurred. Aces.

People can't believe I still have three months to go at my size. Everyone's latest reactions have been, "Wow, you're really showing now!"

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate my body, always have. Now, I'm just a complete blob with no shape, lumps, and massive boobs that sweat in the newly elongated 5" cleavage. It's just swell. One would think as much as I hate the way I look, I would do something about it. Instead, I do little to no exercise, complain all the time (like now), and eat like I'm a candidate for the Biggest Loser binging for the last time before the casting call.

I think it's time for the hypnotist. I do believe I'm slightly out of control. Wondering if he'll help with my spending issues, patience levels, parenting skills, work success, and sense of direction while driving while I'm there.

Two Special Videos

Today is Friday, and I'm feeling sappy. I will refrain from being my normal, sarcastic, morbid self. I will not talk about my weight, a color swatch, paper, or why I don't understand people. Instead, I would like to celebrate two things: marriage and pregnancy.

I got really, really lucky when Trent walked into my life. He is my husband, yes. He is also my best friend. The best friend I've ever had. Not in the way that people throw that around either. He understands everything about me, and why I am the way I am. He never gets mad at me. He tolerates my complaining about things that stress me out all the time, and never complains back.

I always want to be with my husband. Not in the creepy weird way that couples who can never do anything apart are. I just always want him around. I always want to call him right after anything happens. I miss his face on his pillow when I sleep alone at night when he's away. I cherish the moments when we get a dinner out, or when I force him to stay up late even though he's falling asleep to talk to me, or to answer trivia questions about our ten years 11 years together. He is the best dad, and the apple of Lyla's eye. I wish everyone could know what an incredibly special relationship we have. How we don't argue (we do bicker though; mostly me) because we usually see eye to eye on most things. When we don't, we don't get mad, we just tell each other. We don't lie to each other (and I'm quite a liar). Best of all, he makes me feel good about myself when I feel the lowest. He never ceases to compliment me when I dress up, or have a good hair day. He also loves me just the same when I am a jerk. Although I do think he could take my jokes directed at him less seriously! Anyway, I profess this love because I saw a video today about an older couple's relationship (characterized through a cartoon) over 27 years.
It made me cry. It also made me realize that I feel the same way about Trent.
I'd like to dedicate today's post (does this happen in the blog space?) to Ali, my sister-in-law, who is getting married next Saturday. I wish you as much happiness as I have been lucky enough to have found.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

A second video I would like to share is of one girl's journey through pregnancy. This is also moving. And with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in the background, not much could be better. Enjoy.

New Direction?

After I mulled over the idea of a retro style for the baby's new room, I started second guessing my long-term love of it. I get sick of things pretty easily, but I never get sick of the way Lyla's room works. That's because I didn't commit to anything crazy that I could't easily swap out or re-work. It's very versatile. I have striped wallpaper, wood cubbies, an antique bench, and a cow-hide lamp all working together in there, and somehow it meshes and I love it. It's the only room in the house I really love. Maybe it's because Lylie is in it. :)

I don't know how long I can love pale blue walls. In fact, we just had our downstairs painted, and they were supposed to be pale gray but are slanting blue. I already want to repaint the walls. I can barely live with the blue. Maybe it's because all of our old furniture suddenly doesn't match at all. I've been talking here about a revamp for weeks, but nothing has really happened. I feel lost. I can't commit. I'm confused about what moves to make. I definitely need a designer to decorate my next home. It's too stressful to do it myself. I am completely incapable of making decisions in my house. Or, I impulse buy, then it doesn't match or I hate it in a month. This is something I am definitely not good at. I know what I like, I just don't know how to execute.

I'm also nesting already. I have been cleaning out things like the junk drawer, my linen closet, my shoe "situation," and just cleaning house. I don't have a lot of time to clean or nest, so when I start I can't stop. I guess it's a good thing, but it's also annoying to only be able to do it once a month or so. What I'm trying to spit out here is that I am craving structure and style here, and it is seriously lacking. The place is also a constant mess which is making me slightly crazy lately.

So, this made me think more and more that I should go with a classic, simple, and neutral palette for baby bean's room. I want it to be serene, not freaky. Plus, quirky only makes me hate myself later. The other room was too quirky. I was about to buy the bedding for the old post, and I stopped myself thinking, I don't love this.

I pondered. Then, I got the new Restoration Hardware catalog. Thank goodness for chef boy-r-dee. Their new line was amazing for home, and the kids stuff moved away from the pink and brown/blue and brown scheme of the past that has been done a million times before. It was warmer, and felt so much more like real furniture than the candy pop stuff you see so often. I put a new board together with some stand-outs. I think I will end up doing some combination of these selections with some stuff I find elsewhere, but I feel more confident going this route. It seems more us. Like home.

Until my next post.

Classic Wedding Attire

I have always had a soft spot for this style, yet it seems so hard to find. J. Crew has finally made me happy by bringing it back. I would prefer the sleeves to be a tad shorter, maybe just over the elbow, but isn't this dress just lovely?

I could see it with a bunch of chunky, dangly bracelets to funk it up.

I would also pair it with a pair of brightly-colored shoes, or a funky pale pink pair.

I may need to find a reason to buy and wear this dress. Maybe I can be like P. Diddy, throw a white party, and wear this? It has a winter wedding feel, so I'd definitely have to have the party next December (since I will have an eight-month preg belly this December).

Or maybe I'll show up at the Good Shepherd Sip and Shop in this.

I could wear it to Lyla's ballet recital at Christmas. They would appreciate it right?

Girly Girl

So, as many of you may know, we found out yesterday that our baby boy is actually a baby girl! If that damned sonographer hadn't told us it was a boy weeks ago, I swear we wouldn't have been so brain washed. We are equally happy (just shocked) that we will be welcoming another little joy into the world. As you may have noticed, I obsess about rooms for months, and then want to change everything at the same time dramatically.
Well, this can't happen overnight since my office will be turned into the baby's room, and will require some major boxing and hauling. The previous think tank for Fold Invites will likely never be seen again in this house. Storage unit?

We have floor to ceiling shelves in the room now, which I was praying we could keep but they just take up too much room in the tiny space. We will also need to remove the sawgrass wallpaper we labored over and spent hours finding and putting up. The shelves are bolted into the wallpaper, so no matter what it would be ruined. The walls are also a lime green. The whole lime green, pink, brown thing really suited me and the caos that is my office. However, we are going to pack up, de-wallpaper (Frank and Di colunteered--hee), and re-paint. In a frenzy before the infamous Good Shepherd Sip and Shop (where I slaved for days to put a table up to sell cool stuff for the holidays and ended with me drunk watching all the wretched burned out blond housewives buy fake leather purses and Ed Hardy imitations tees instead), I sprayed spray mount in my portfolio in a pinch to adhere invitations into the book, and accidentally got it all over the hardwood floor. In my laziness, I never attempted to clean it up, so it's still weird and sticky, and may require expert opinions as to how to remove the residue prior to our bundle laying and sticking and breathing its fumes for years to come.

In an effort to shift gears to a possible girl room, I remembered that I had a cut-out of Cheree Berry's (one of my personal heros) wedding invitation suite which used light blue and red. We had tossed around hot pink or even just cream/brown/pink so I could keep Lyla's old crib bedding. However, trying to just match the bedding was really inhibiting us, so it will have to be sold on Ebay. Plus, I have seen way too much of the pink and brown deal to last a lifetime, so it's time to shake it up.

So, the suite was really the inspiration for what I'm currently thinking might be the new color palette. I typically hate light blue on walls, but I've been seeing a lot of cool takes on it lately, and I think the punch of red and a deep brown to anchor the space will make it fresh and modern.

Here is my inspiration board for the whole thing. Many of the pieces, like the ab-fab Jonathan Adler mini sofa (it's the kid-sized version of his famous Lambert sofa) probably won't fit, and the mod red dresser will likely be the dresser we currently have in our bedroom (that Trent refers to as a child dresser anyway) will likely be painted red and used for storing stuff.

The one thing missing is a changing table option. We used an antique dresser for Lyla that was perfect, but I love it in her room now (Lyla's room is my favorite room in the house), and I don't want to get a replacement for her. So, I'm still on the hunt for something fitting both in size and feel. There are some very good options now, because god knows I won't be getting one of those dork ones that looks like it came from someone's colonial set. See right.

My Mom suggested yellow this morning and I poo pooed it, but if I did it a darker light gray, with a lighter gray on the ceiling, threw up some crown molding and accented the whole thing with a nice warm yellow like this scheme, I could work it out. This nice yellow is harder to find though, but I may ponder it. It's much less likely to go too Willie Wonka than the other scheme which walks the line, but again, harder to execute (for someone like me who can't wait to find all the right pieces).

I may have to poll this one for the three of you who actually take my polls.

40 Before 40

I have decided to create a 40 before 40 list where I try to accomplish some goals, do some things, and buy some stuff in four years before I turn 40. I accomplished high school and college educations in four years, I can certainly tackle this list in four! I will try to update the list as I or if I have the opportunity to slash anything off the list. There are a few in the making like having a baby and cleaning our basement, so I'm already close on a few. Feel free to send your lists for public posting on this blog. It would be interesting to see what others want to do before their next milestone birthday.

And the list goes a little somethin' like this (you may need to click for a larger view):

Save the Date Loveliness

Ever see something online you wished you'd done yourself? Considering I'm in the biz, you'd think I would have thought of this save the date idea back in the day! So simple, and yet, so cute. I am also in love with the soundtrack to the STD, which of course, has become my new theme song. Pump up the volume, and be gleeful.












I have also included photos from their super creative DIY wedding.

Wedding Songs and Reflection

As I celebrated my seventh wedding anniversary last week, I thought back on the happy day, and how much fun we had, how great everything turned out, and that my dress was a size two. Smile.

A friend of mine was contemplating her first dance with her husband, and it made me think of how much I loved and still love our wedding song, Talk Tonight by Oasis. I remember having a few options like Green Eyes by Coldplay, which I insisted we couldn't use since neither of us had green eyes, or Love Will Come Through by Travis (which was the runner up), which didn't make it because it was too hard to dance to it with anything but a waltz. Trent is more of a rotate in a circle type of slow dancer, so we needed something with a slower tempo so he could time his rotations.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of old music I have around, and thought of how great this or that would be as a wedding song, so I've compiled my new top ten options. Feel free to take advantage of this for your upcoming nuptials or renewals ladies and gents.
These are in no particular order.

1. Love is the End, Keane (the no one but you will know this song choice)

2. You Are the Best Thing, Ray Lamontagne (fast-paced dance song option)

3. Love Will Come Through, Travis (for nostalgia's sake)

4. Step on My Old Size Nines, Stereophonics (the warm and fuzzy option)

5. Let it Be, Beatles (the unexpected choice)

6. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper (because I vowed this would be my wedding song every year of the 80s)

7. Somebody, Depeche Mode (if you want everyone to weep and become completely depressed after your dance)
This is the best version I could find, so it's not great quality. If you only speak Spanish, this is a great video for you, but you should probably not read this blog (usted no debería leer probablemente este blog).

8. Unchained Melody, The Richteous Brothers (how could I leave this out?)

9. This Thing Called Love, Queen (for the gay wedding)

10. Wonderful Tonight, Eric Clapton (because this was also my prom theme--I think)

Lyla and Company

It's been a while since I've posted positively and with that, I bring you Lyla. It's also been a while since she's made the blog. Considering it's supposed to be about her and not me, it's very timely she is making an appearance.

This child really amazes me. Lately, she has been so imaginative, and keen to what is going on in her and our world. For example, last night, I started reading the Little Prince to her. It's an amazing pop up version that I got at Anthrolpologie for the bargain basement price of $35. Cough. Anyway, the book is pretty special. The pop-ups are so neat, and they really make the whole book. Unfortnately, those of you that have read TLP know it's not exactly a toddler book. It's very long, with bigger words, and rants about adults needing to be told everything. It's wuite good, but Lyla lost interest in the words about two pages in. I had this fantasy of me reading it to her little by little each night, and us acting it out in a very Shakespearean way, and her begging me to read more each evening at 8:00. Well, that didn't happen, but she absolutely adored the pop-ups, and she's quite good at controlling them. What she did instead was tell me the story. I laid quietly, while she turned the pages and began a 30 minute adventure through the book. With each open panel, she would start...if it was a lamb inside, she would begin with a king or a prince running north (always north with Lyla) through the countryside and what he found in the barn was a lamb. Then, she would open another panel and it would be a sun and moon, and she would start about the constellation and the planets, going to Mars, and being in a space ship. I mean, she always tells stories, but these were elaborate portrayals of the prince's triumphs and downfalls. I was amazed to say the least. After two times forward and one time backwards through the book, we had to cut it off to actually go to bed. We'll see what tonight brings. I'll have to video her telling one of these stories one day before she grows up too much.

Also included a quick video short from last week at Nanny and Pop Pop's theatre room. We all went downstairs to watch Sleeping Beauty (a real snoozer if you ask me), and afterwards one of those tween singers had a video included. The kids, mostly Lyla loved it, and got down. This is a short snippet from the otherwise, five minute video.

Liking Everything

This piece of artwork really struck me, because I think I would be a good recipient of this from someone. Maybe Trent?

When I look back to middle school and high school, I always think how I didn't care how anyone looked or acted, or if they were a nerd, or a cheerleader or not. Surprisingly, my high school was pretty tame in terms of teasing and certain kids hanging out with certain kids. No one was singled out too much, and I never paid any mind who was friends with who. I had my good friends, but I talked and was friendly with everyone. This goes back to my class presidential days, so of course, there are relations you need to keep up with your constituents that are vital to your administration working, but I won't bore you with the details of my office politics from the old days.

The point is, I never really never anyone. I pretty much liked everyone. In fact, one day in band class (yes, I was in band, we got to go to Europe so shut up), the band room was somewhat empty, and Matt Piritano, the best trumpet player the school had ever seen (I'm also pretty sure he was a genius who spent most of his downtime in an isolation tank), was fiddling in the brass section. You know, emptying out his spit valve, warming up his lips, that sort of thing. So, I hopped up there to visit. Anyone who was not a band nerd may not know that the flutes (me), sat in front, and the brass instruments sat way in the back. So, I never really got to visit up there much. That day, I went up, made casual conversation with him, and noted how I never really went back there. Every few days I'd chat with him, because we were always the first ones there, and it was awkward not to say anything after I had already gone up there, even though he was painfully shy, and really hadn't much to say. I had enough words for both of us, so I felt like I was reaching out to this shy intellect, and felt really great about my good deed.

A week or two later, Brett Tuminelli, a boy that was extremely annoying with one of those all-over red faces, started ranting very loudly near my locker that Matt and I were dating. It may have even been one of those, "Jen and Ma-att, dum dum dum da dum." I was puzzled. Huh? First of all, I had a boyfriend. He went to another school (because that's how I rolled), so not everyone would have known, but I made it pretty clear that I was not dating Matt. Where had this come from I wondered? Then, my friends started getting on me about being nice to guys who might take things the wrong way, etc. and I thought, could this guy have taken me coming over to chat as me liking him in that way? I guess so, because I'm pretty sure he told his friends I was in hot pursuit. Well, I was so embarrassed, and unsure what to do that I started to avoid him in class. It was the only way I could set things straight without it being super awkward. This is also how most high school issues were resolved, by ignoring it. Except when my field hockey teammate Vicky Tiase, who I would have called a semi-friend and my boyfriend Rob had a little affair while we were still dating, and I told the entire grade to hate on her and yell things about her large butt in the hallways (this was not me being nice as mentioned above, but I was a woman scorned). Anyway, I didn't want to march up there to Matt's riser and tell him we weren't dating, but I also didn't want him to continue taking me the wrong way. By the way, as a side note, this type of thing has happened to me on several occasions, and I never know why. One such incident caused a whole issue with someone I worked with taking our friendship the wrong way, and turning into a very awful and majorly awkward situation at work for a long time. Worst part is, I didn't/couldn't really tell anyone since my office is so small, so I had to just deal with the horribleness for months until he chilled. As another aside to that, I am the kind of girl that no man notices. I'm not stop-and-notice pretty, I have a terrible figure, my hair is thin and piecey, I have no confidence, and I almost always give a bad first impression to everyone I meet. However, I have had at least ten guy friends who have turned stalker on me after a period of time. I am not a flirt, and I make no physical advances on anyone. Trent says I just make guys feel at ease, and I touch people's arms a lot when I talk to them. This is how I get stalkers?

The thing with Matt passed, and it died down at school pretty fast, but a year and a half later, and I will never forget this, at our graduation, I asked him to sign my yearbook, and he wrote just this, "I've always loved you." Still warms my heart folks, still warms my heart.

Anyway, this whole thing is to prove a point that I no longer like people, especially new ones. As I've gotten older, I have less and less patience or acceptance of people in any capacity. I don't like the way they dress, how they say hi, the way they look at me, nothing. Why is this so? I used to be friends with everyone. I also feel like my attitude toward everything is jaded. I have nothing good to say about anything any more. You don't like my music? Or don't know who I listen to? You're dumb. You don't know what a Birkin is? You're dumb. You have colonial furniture in your house? You are so out of it. Is it intolerance? Insensitivity? My own insecurities? Is it the stalkers? Have they given me a distaste for people in general; things even? I think my dislike for things comes from laziness. Many people talk about not having time to do things, but for me it's not wanting to. I want a garden but I don't want to plant. I want the house clean, but I won't get on my hands and knees to do it. I want Lyla to eat better, but I don't prepare her meals ahead of time to ensure she eats good things. I want to be skinny but I'm eating Rita's and drinking olive oil 24/7.

This is a dilemma I must solve. Maybe I will get hypnotized into opening my heart and mind to new things so I might like them again. I'll tack that onto being hypnotized to stop spending all my money, and losing weight.

What is My Time Worth?

Apparently nothing. Though my co-worker Fil's time in worth $25 an hour. Let me explain.
We do a lot of integration with Facebook and apps for that, and are moving into mobile device application development.Essentially , iPhone and Droid apps. Being an avid Blackberry user for years, I really had no interest in any of the iPhones. I'm a cell phone user, not a smart phone user. By that I mean, I don't care about any of the cool features, and apps, and touch, etc. I like to dial, I like to press enter. However, times are a changin', and even I was getting frustrated with Blackberry's completely antiquated phones. With the strong encouragement of one of the partners, I decided I'd get the newest iPhone 4.

On the pre-order day, me and my assistant tried to pre-order a phone online all day. I didn't have time to go to the actual store to pre-order, so that was out, but the Apple store was so bogged it kept failing, and timing out. My next chance was to make an appointment at the Apple store the day of the release which allows you to walk-up at a specified time and get in. This prevents you from having to wait in line with everyone else. I was ready to wait until midnight the eve before you could schedule a reservation and book a time to get the phone. Well, I woke up super early that day, and when I got home from work, felt really awful. Overtired, sick to my stomach (I think the curry noodles from the ghette Chinese place in Hamden caused this), and generally gross. So, Trent put Lyla to bed, and I went into our room to rest for a bit. I ended up falling asleep all night! The next morning I realized I didn't make the reservation, and at 5:30 a.m., they were all gone. Bah. This meant I would have to wait on line at Apple for the phone. Some would say I deserved it. I say, screw you melon.

I contemplated not doing it, and waiting another month until they were easier to get, but as usual, the rumors that they wouldn't be available were flying, and I already felt pretty disadvantaged at work without intimate iPhone knowledge. We do have an iPod Touch which is essentially an iPhone without the calling part, so I haven't been completely in the dark.

I decided to wait in line.

I got there at 5:45 a.m., thinking they wouldn't let people in before 6. Well, people camped out, and at 4:30 a.m., they started letting people into the mall. By the time I arrived, there were already about 700 people ahead of me.

Now, let me explain the process of how people get the phones. Anyone with a pre-order gets priority over everyone else since they already bought the phone. There were at least 500 people with pre-orders. Then, every hour from 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. people with reservations as described above, wait in a separate line at their designated time, to go in and get their phones. I'd say for every one hour time slot, there were 50 people. They get second priority. Then, the pee-ons like me, are last. The first four hours were nothing but pre-orders. Therefore, none of us even moved during that time. We just watched.

Also, when we first arrived, security was really strict. They would not let anyone sit down on the floor, even though the mall wasn't opening for over four hours. It wasn't easy. I started rocking back and forth while reading my book to keep the blood flow in my legs pumping, and drank lots of water since I felt dehydrated already. The first few hours actually went by pretty fast because I watched the big unveiling and the excitement of the employees and crowd, and cheers of everyone. Plus, there were just so many people, and so many things to watch and wait for. The nice thing was they had Starbuck's outside the store when people first arrived, and a girl giving out waters. At 9:30 a.m. the first Chick-Fil-A sandwiches arrived, and I've never been happier to see a dry chicken sandwich before in my life. Every single person on line took one. No one said no to that little piece of heaven in this hellish place. The pickles tasted like truffles, the chicken melted in my mouth, and the soggy bun tingled my taste buds. Now, when the 15th Chick-Fil-A sandwich cart came by at 6:30 p.m., everyone said no. They also had sweet tea from CFA, and nuts from harry and David, which was also nice. They could have done nothing, let us all starve and stand for hours on end.
Luckily the security guards got lax after a while and let people sit down, but most of the time people stood, including me. I don't think they thought people would be there all day and night, and I doubt they wanted any medical incidents where suing and people waving their finger in a news camera were to take place.

I had a doctor's appt. at 11:00, and at 12:30, I was meeting my sister-in-law Ali to look at linens and stuff for her wedding. I planned this day off to spend with her, and enjoy ourselves. When I wasn't even close to the front at 10:00, I quickly called one of my co-workers and convinced him to hold my place in line. Not only did I wake him up after he had a date that went until 4:30 a.m. (I won't mention why), I dragged him out at 10:00 to wait in a hot, sweaty line. I decided I had to pay him for his time, and he gladly accepted. I didn't even have many cool people in front or behind me to chat it up with. Toward the end though, cooler people emerged, and our line became circles, and we talked a bit more. We banded together, we rooted for each other, we ate together.
Anyway, back to the hiatus. I left Fil at 10:30, and returned with Ali at 1:30 or so. He sent us shopping since there was little movement. About 1.5 hours later, I re-joined the line, and sent Fil home. Ali and I then proceeded to wait 4.5 more hours on line to the finish. Around 5:30 or 6-ish people started getting angry, beligerant, and annoying. Everyone was tired, they were all yelling at the poor manager that was orchestrating everything and sending people in from both lines. What ended up also happening that pissed people off, is the reservation line got bigger. They started letting us in, and the reservation line got longer and more delayed. So, those people started to have to wait an hour or so just to get in the store. So, there was a war between them, thinking they were going to stroll in at 6:00 on the dot, get their phone, and leave; and us, the angry mob whose side of the line sendt one person every 30 minutes into the store. The reservation side started cheering when people were sent in because their perceived wait time was so long. This really ticked off our side, so our side started booing them when they cheered (by the way, I was not partaking in any of the "our side" antics). There was heckling, and teasing of the reservationers, belittling and general discontent with who they even were as people.

To give you an idea of how slow this went, I called my parents at 5:50 to tell them they would have to go to my house to relieve our nanny. At that time, there were six people in front of me, on my line. I didn't walk in the store until 7:00.
As we were peering in the windows, analyzing everything that was transpiring in there, a few people were making fun of a guy that was in front of us that was in there so long. Jokes about just buying the damn phone were made. We were all wondering what could have taken 30 minutes for him to complete this transaction. I did notice that he looked spaced out while the Apple employee was talking to him. Well, she ended up being our sales person, and now I know why it took him so long, and also why he was spaced out. We were hoping for the hobbit-looking employee or the old vet that cheered and clapped his hands every time he walked out to get someone. As an aside, they set things up for the employee to come out, shake your hand, and walk you into the store. This was to prevent people from just walking in. It was like getting a massage. The lost massage therapist blindly asks for you, then you follow them to a dark room, take off all your clothes, and they touch you for an hour. I guess you could compare it to a white-night stand too (not that I've had one).
Instead we got the soft-spoken, personal story-telling, wish we would talk more to her sales person. She kept asking me if I had questions about the phone, and I continued to say no, only wishing I could get the hell out of the there pronto. She was going on about the places she used to work, how great working for Apple is, and that in a past or future life she was or should be a doctor because she just doesn't mind hospitals. Honestly, and pardon my language, WTF? I felt like saying, "I've been here 13 hours, and I just want the phone, and you to stop talking." I don't want a tutorial, or your life story, or to tell you mine. I just want to activate, sync my contacts, and walk away. I Also felt like telling her there were still 200 people waiting, and she might want to expedite the checkout before she gets her ass beaten by my side of the line. 20 long minutes later we were done. God bless.

I could barely walk since my heels had endured the massive weight of my body all day in gladiator sandals. I hobbled home, and we all celebrated with dinner at Pei Wei in Towson, one of Lyla's favorite hot spots. They serve white rice, her favorite, and set fire to the food, so it's doubly good for her. She also has a new obsession with sitting in high chairs after never sitting in one since she was a baby. That kid never ceases to amaze me, and man does she know her way around a chopstick.

We got home so late, and I was so spent. I put Lyla down around 9:45, and by 10:00 I was ready to expire for the night with my well-earned glass gadget.

Of course today at work, Fil sent me this link, with him on the news holding my place on the line. It's no longer the featured vid, so you have to search for iPhone. It's the "Marylanders Line Up for New iPhone" video. Fil is shown at :31 seconds sitting on the floor on his phone with a blue shirt and black jeans (next to the guy with the aqua t-shirt on) in front of Anthropologie. That should have been me man, it should have been me.

Shower Invites

My sister-in-law Ali is getting married in September, and she has been subjected to my absolute obsession with weddings. Even though I am somewhat retired from the paper business, I was of course going to do all of the paper for Ali. I thought I'd share the shower invite with you. I hired an amazing artist named Kelli Murray to do the illustration for me, and I just love the way it came out. I sent her pics and info about Ali and Stephen, and she came up with a sketch a few days later. I then built the rest of the invitation around it. The inside utilizes three fonts, and some characters I had to create myself to have a similar feel to the hand-written Ali + Stephen on the front. The funny thing about these fonts is that when I had the invitation printed, the printer didn't get the fonts embedded in the PDF I sent, so they printed them with the wrong font. When I got them, I freaked since it looked nothing like what I prepared. In a frenzy they re-printed them in the later afternoon, and left them bundled in bubble wrap on the sidewalk outside of their shop in Columbia. Luckily, my friend Missy picked them up for me, or someone else would have been enjoying them. Look forward to our Christmas cards being from one of her illustrations.

Hiding Pregnancy Anectdote #1

So, we had planned a trip to celebrate our friends Leslie and Ryan's 10th wedding anniversary in Boston. Their friends Wyatt and Elizabeth were also going. I was plagued with how I was going to hide being pregnant from them. We happy hour many nights at the Wagner household, and it's rare that I don't partake in imbibing some serious wine over there. Plus, we go out with them all the time, so it would be odd for me not to drink. After the NYC incident, I had already told Leslie I felt like I needed to give up drinking since it wasn't helping my weight loss, and because I felt so rotten afterwards. So, it's good I had already planted that seed. The only problem was that I told Leslie it was because of Atkins--something I absolutely could not continue doing while pregnant. I swear, I've eaten nothing but bread and pasta for three weeks. The more the better. It's like a security pregnancy blanket.
Now Leslie is really good about cooking for you, and really being attentive to your needs when you're in her house or her company. The week before she made special chicken salad wraps without bread just for me. So, I knew that eating carbs around her would be really tough, because she would obviously question my loyalty to a diet I just told her I gave up alcohol for.

The morning we flew out I fought back nausea for hours. The motion of the plane really got me. We upgraded to business class, and they got drinks for us right away, but I said it was too early to drink. First obstacle averted. However, I knew the pending lunch to happy hours would be tough. I felt like a kid in middle school being offered pot and having to say no and justify why. It's not like anyone was trying to force me to drink, it is just obvious when you drink nothing at all.

Before lunch, we stopped at a bar. I didn't order anything at the actual bar, but as I was going to the bathroom, I found a waitress and asked her to make me a bloody mary without the vodka. When I returned from the toilet, it was waiting for me, and I was so proud to fake drink my fake drink. I have to say, I could have drank virgin bloody marys all day. His mix was damn good. This was really the drink that held me through the day, and the weekend. When later asked if I had drank over the weekend, I was like, "Yeah, I had that one bloody mary, and the wine and chapmagne the other night."
I was then able to successfully drink water at lunch without eyebrow raising, since it was perceived that I had just had a drink. I know when this is all over everyone is going to tell me how they knew all along I was pregnant, which is what always happens. Damn you first trimester.

At the Red Sox game that night, it was a little harder. We all went to a bar before, and everyone was drinking. Leslie mentioned how good I was doing not really drinking. So, she did remember I told her I was trying not to drink. Point Jen.
The game was ok too, because the guys were mostly drinking beers, and the girls weren't really pounding. Lunch the next day proved ok as well. Even though I was the only one not drinking, the time of day gave me a pass. I think everyone also knows I can't really hold alcohol very well, so me trying not to get drunk wouldn't be uncommon either.

Before dinner on Saturday, we sat in the "sitting room" of our hotel, which was actually just the hallway of the second floor. We got Ryan and Leslie a bottle of champagne, and they got wine. They poured for everyone, and at at first I thought, I'll just have a sip and then fake it. I did take a little sip for the toast, and luckily my friend Erika called right after. So, I walked away with the drink, and spilled it outside the fire exit. I prayed the alarms wouldn't go off. That would have really sucked. Sorry to anyone reading this who may have paid for the wine I essentially tossed. So, I again put an artificial drink on the board for the weekend. So, seconds, when offered, were politely refused with the reply that I had just downed the champagne.

Dinner was tough. There was lots of wine ordered, lots of partaking, and it had to seem odd that I didn't cheat a little. Especially when I had ordered clam chowder, a lobster roll, bread, and inhaled much of Trent's key lime dessert, which were obviously worse offenders than the wine on Atkins. I told Leslie I had thrown my whole diet out the window that weekend, trying to somehow justify my horrific desire and need for carbohydrates.

If I was just thin to start with, and could control this obsession with bad food during this time, I would be a lot better off. Am I the only person who eats more when pregnant? Even though I feel sick a lot of the day, food displaces the nausea for just a short time. So, I constantly eat. I just don't want any of the good foods I normally eat.
I feel like I have gained 20 pounds, and I am full-on showing a belly. Even my belly button has gotten cavernous. I'm ready to call Chubby Checkers (see Fatso movie footage below).



I have my first doctor's appointment on Thursday, and I'm hoping she tells me I'm six months pregnant so I feel better about being disgusting. Not that being further along is any excuse either. You should only gain about 4-5 pounds your first trimester. I'm headed for double digits if I'm not there already. I didn't have a waist before, but now I look like a man from behind. It is just so thick. I have been wearing the loosest clothes I can, but I think you can still tell. Working out is the worst, because it's way harder to hide. My ass, which blew up to massive proportions with Lyla doesn't fit into a single pair of jeans or skirt I have. I already don't fit into most of my clothes. I tried two dresses on last week that didn't zip. It's all so pleasant. The ass is all by itself right now. Spanx have not helped at all. My body is rejecting them.

This weekend is my sister-in-law Ali's bachelorette party. I'm going to have to come up with some ailment and medication I'm taking that won't allow me to drink alcohol.

The first trimester can't go by fast enough. All of this lying, and fattening is making me slightly stressed. I already bought two cookbooks for losing the weight afterward to give me something to look forward to, since I'm already a lost cause.