Hiding Pregnancy Anectdote #1

So, we had planned a trip to celebrate our friends Leslie and Ryan's 10th wedding anniversary in Boston. Their friends Wyatt and Elizabeth were also going. I was plagued with how I was going to hide being pregnant from them. We happy hour many nights at the Wagner household, and it's rare that I don't partake in imbibing some serious wine over there. Plus, we go out with them all the time, so it would be odd for me not to drink. After the NYC incident, I had already told Leslie I felt like I needed to give up drinking since it wasn't helping my weight loss, and because I felt so rotten afterwards. So, it's good I had already planted that seed. The only problem was that I told Leslie it was because of Atkins--something I absolutely could not continue doing while pregnant. I swear, I've eaten nothing but bread and pasta for three weeks. The more the better. It's like a security pregnancy blanket.
Now Leslie is really good about cooking for you, and really being attentive to your needs when you're in her house or her company. The week before she made special chicken salad wraps without bread just for me. So, I knew that eating carbs around her would be really tough, because she would obviously question my loyalty to a diet I just told her I gave up alcohol for.

The morning we flew out I fought back nausea for hours. The motion of the plane really got me. We upgraded to business class, and they got drinks for us right away, but I said it was too early to drink. First obstacle averted. However, I knew the pending lunch to happy hours would be tough. I felt like a kid in middle school being offered pot and having to say no and justify why. It's not like anyone was trying to force me to drink, it is just obvious when you drink nothing at all.

Before lunch, we stopped at a bar. I didn't order anything at the actual bar, but as I was going to the bathroom, I found a waitress and asked her to make me a bloody mary without the vodka. When I returned from the toilet, it was waiting for me, and I was so proud to fake drink my fake drink. I have to say, I could have drank virgin bloody marys all day. His mix was damn good. This was really the drink that held me through the day, and the weekend. When later asked if I had drank over the weekend, I was like, "Yeah, I had that one bloody mary, and the wine and chapmagne the other night."
I was then able to successfully drink water at lunch without eyebrow raising, since it was perceived that I had just had a drink. I know when this is all over everyone is going to tell me how they knew all along I was pregnant, which is what always happens. Damn you first trimester.

At the Red Sox game that night, it was a little harder. We all went to a bar before, and everyone was drinking. Leslie mentioned how good I was doing not really drinking. So, she did remember I told her I was trying not to drink. Point Jen.
The game was ok too, because the guys were mostly drinking beers, and the girls weren't really pounding. Lunch the next day proved ok as well. Even though I was the only one not drinking, the time of day gave me a pass. I think everyone also knows I can't really hold alcohol very well, so me trying not to get drunk wouldn't be uncommon either.

Before dinner on Saturday, we sat in the "sitting room" of our hotel, which was actually just the hallway of the second floor. We got Ryan and Leslie a bottle of champagne, and they got wine. They poured for everyone, and at at first I thought, I'll just have a sip and then fake it. I did take a little sip for the toast, and luckily my friend Erika called right after. So, I walked away with the drink, and spilled it outside the fire exit. I prayed the alarms wouldn't go off. That would have really sucked. Sorry to anyone reading this who may have paid for the wine I essentially tossed. So, I again put an artificial drink on the board for the weekend. So, seconds, when offered, were politely refused with the reply that I had just downed the champagne.

Dinner was tough. There was lots of wine ordered, lots of partaking, and it had to seem odd that I didn't cheat a little. Especially when I had ordered clam chowder, a lobster roll, bread, and inhaled much of Trent's key lime dessert, which were obviously worse offenders than the wine on Atkins. I told Leslie I had thrown my whole diet out the window that weekend, trying to somehow justify my horrific desire and need for carbohydrates.

If I was just thin to start with, and could control this obsession with bad food during this time, I would be a lot better off. Am I the only person who eats more when pregnant? Even though I feel sick a lot of the day, food displaces the nausea for just a short time. So, I constantly eat. I just don't want any of the good foods I normally eat.
I feel like I have gained 20 pounds, and I am full-on showing a belly. Even my belly button has gotten cavernous. I'm ready to call Chubby Checkers (see Fatso movie footage below).



I have my first doctor's appointment on Thursday, and I'm hoping she tells me I'm six months pregnant so I feel better about being disgusting. Not that being further along is any excuse either. You should only gain about 4-5 pounds your first trimester. I'm headed for double digits if I'm not there already. I didn't have a waist before, but now I look like a man from behind. It is just so thick. I have been wearing the loosest clothes I can, but I think you can still tell. Working out is the worst, because it's way harder to hide. My ass, which blew up to massive proportions with Lyla doesn't fit into a single pair of jeans or skirt I have. I already don't fit into most of my clothes. I tried two dresses on last week that didn't zip. It's all so pleasant. The ass is all by itself right now. Spanx have not helped at all. My body is rejecting them.

This weekend is my sister-in-law Ali's bachelorette party. I'm going to have to come up with some ailment and medication I'm taking that won't allow me to drink alcohol.

The first trimester can't go by fast enough. All of this lying, and fattening is making me slightly stressed. I already bought two cookbooks for losing the weight afterward to give me something to look forward to, since I'm already a lost cause.