Do I Need This?

I have no idea why my comments are all caps. I checked the formatting and the HTML, and it is normal. I think it may have to do with the mark-up language I pasted in screwing with Blogger. POS application!

So, you will have to deal with me yelling the next two paragraphs.

Anyway, this is an excerpt from Calorie Lab.com, a site I use to calculate Weight Watchers points. I said to myself just the other night, that I'd give up almost anything to be thin (except food of course because I love it so much). When I found this article, I thought about whether I could endure it. After all, I've done the Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanse countless times, the heart surgery diet, the all fruit diet, Atkins, South Beach, and have been flirting with Blueprint.

The problem is, and this is the same with all of these diets, or gimmicks, you gain the weight right back. After I cleanse, I've lost 7-10 pounds, but the week after I return to solids, I'm back at my heavyweight status. Although, 30 pounds, could keep me thin long enough to try to develop better eating habits. Who's with me?

Tongue Patch: The hurts-too-much-to-eat weight-loss program

Notice to those supervising the Worst Weight-Loss Concept of the 21st Century competition: we may already have a winner.

We thought that our recent post satirizing commercial diet gimmicks took the concept to its extreme with Rubber Dining Utensils, the Hannibal Lecter Dining Mask, and so forth. But we failed to reckon with reality, in the form of the Chugay Tongue Patch, which is a piece of mesh about the size of a first-class stamp that is surgically attached to the patient’s tongue, thereby making eating not just awkward but downright painful.

Even worse, it probably hurts just to complain about it.

The Tongue Patch is the creation of Dr. Nikolas Chugay, the director of a cosmetic surgery clinic, who claims that patients affixed with Patches have lost up to 30 pounds in just one month. This may not be such a far-fetched claim, given that the Patch, which the patient wears for the entire month, essentially limits the Patchee to a liquid diet that is heavy on the “vitamins and nutrients” and presumably light on the calories.

The Patch has acquired a noticeable following in — surprise — the greater Los Angeles area, where no idea is too crackpot to gain at least some traction.

Naturally, Dr. Chugay’s device has its critics, who note that using physical discomfort to effect long-term behavior modification is ethically questionable, and sewing something onto someone’s tongue downright Medieval. Not to mention that after 30 days, the patient is back on solid food, and probably half mad with hunger. Lots of luck.