Didn't I call it?

On 11/4 I posted about Ralph Lauren, and his Grapes of Wrath runway show. I swore then that J.Crew, who everyone knows is my favorite retailer, would be carrying overalls this season. That time has arrived fellow followers.

I think I may own these before long. It all depends on whether I can pull it off. When I receive the J. Crew catalogs, I am aflutter inside awaiting everything I will wear for the months ahead. Also, the way they have been styling their catalogs and models over the last two years has exceeded the likes of Free People and Anthropologie, who are known for their unique couplings of ensembles. However, J. Crew now has me wondering, can I put this outfit together in this way? Unfortunately, the answer is often no. When you see an anorexic girl wearing short short tuxedo shorts, a ruffled top on top of a sweater beneath a button down with half socks and capezios, she looks incredible. When I decide to buy those pieces, I drop back into reality that I don't look anything like that, and moreover, that my legs are at least five inches shorter than a model's legs. yes folks, I'm tall--5'9". Problem is, my legs are only 30" long. Many people have questioned how and why I wear four inch heels every day, it's because my legs are so short! When I wear flat with jeans, I look Fergie (who I think looks awful in everything).

See this inset pic of the girls below. This is a perfect examle of an outfit I love, but cannot in my wildest dreams pull off. Of course it didn't stop me from ordering the vest to the left, because no one loves ruffles more than me. That's another thing...
I realized a few days ago upon trying to find something to wear that I have a minimum of 10 ruffled tops in my closet. Tank tops, jackets, tee shirts, button-downs, dresses. I hadn't discriminated in my purchasing. I own at least one of every article of clothing that could have a ruffle on it. I even have a damn wedding dress with tons of ruffles!
I blame J. Crew for this. They've been ruffling everything lately, and as I mentioned, they layer it and make it all look so good, that it wins me over every time. I'm an addict. A ruffle addict.

I bought this navy ruffled jacket (pictured right, in orange) after seeing it the J. Crew winter catalog (shot in Chile in the snow). The model had it on over a paper tee turtleneck, a chemise (yes, a nightgown), and skinny cords with Sorel boots. It looked so cool. I bought the whole ensemble (except the boots, even though I wanted those too). When I tried my version of it, I looked like I had taken an Ambien the night before and slept walked into my closet and chosen the items during REM sleep. It was a mess. I've worn the jacket once, but it didn't look good, and as much as I love it, it's orphaned. The catalog shows the jacket many ways, but all of them involve me wearing a micro mini with a chambray shirt and tie, a pencil skirt with ten necklaces, a vest and a men's caddy hat, or tight cuffed jeans with slingback heels and argyles.

The other style they had me hooked on two seasons ago was the skinny and/or tie belt. I have four ribbon belts with flowers on them, two sparkly belts, and one thin studded belt, all of which make me look wide and disheveled whenever I wear them with anything. I've tried them with dresses, jackets, sweaters....to no avail. Is it the contorted positions models are often in that prevent them from looking like I do? Is it that my waist is five inches wider than theirs? Maybe it's that they faux tuck everything into making sense? That's one place I'll never go.

When we went to NYC a few weeks ago, I wore a fushia dress over skinny jeans, with a blue and white striped sweater over top, and flats. I can't wear short shirts that show my ass (with jeans), so everything I wear must be long. The thing is, to wear long tops, you need to wear a slimmer pant. The problem is I look like I have tree trunk legs in all skinny jeans despite the 100 pairs I own. I try to do the right thing, but it always backfires on me in the mirror. That day, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, and I could have been compared to stage version of George Clinton. It was just a random arrangement of fits and colors. If I was a celeb, I might have been on the "What was she thinking" list that day. I was appalled at myself. I luckily made up for it that the next day with some sassy over the knew boots, and a smart tee/sweater combo. Hooray me!

Alas, a model or a stylist of myself I will never be, but hey, a girl's gotta dream.
I have taken the liberty of including all of the new J. Crew "Collection" pieces I will likely purchase without the ability to ever a) wear together, and b) wear at all. Now I understand why I'm always broke, with lots of clothes, and nothing to wear.