Indoor Swimming and Gardening

Lyla's pleading for a pail of water for her duckie always wins me over when she is cute about it, and of course asks me 200 times. This is a typical night at our house where water reins supreme. Either we're floating duckies, balloons, or watering Lyla's indoor garden. Thanks to Dennis and Antoinette for getting that for her for Christmas, she just loves it, and the responsibility of watering them every day.

Didn't I call it?

On 11/4 I posted about Ralph Lauren, and his Grapes of Wrath runway show. I swore then that J.Crew, who everyone knows is my favorite retailer, would be carrying overalls this season. That time has arrived fellow followers.

I think I may own these before long. It all depends on whether I can pull it off. When I receive the J. Crew catalogs, I am aflutter inside awaiting everything I will wear for the months ahead. Also, the way they have been styling their catalogs and models over the last two years has exceeded the likes of Free People and Anthropologie, who are known for their unique couplings of ensembles. However, J. Crew now has me wondering, can I put this outfit together in this way? Unfortunately, the answer is often no. When you see an anorexic girl wearing short short tuxedo shorts, a ruffled top on top of a sweater beneath a button down with half socks and capezios, she looks incredible. When I decide to buy those pieces, I drop back into reality that I don't look anything like that, and moreover, that my legs are at least five inches shorter than a model's legs. yes folks, I'm tall--5'9". Problem is, my legs are only 30" long. Many people have questioned how and why I wear four inch heels every day, it's because my legs are so short! When I wear flat with jeans, I look Fergie (who I think looks awful in everything).

See this inset pic of the girls below. This is a perfect examle of an outfit I love, but cannot in my wildest dreams pull off. Of course it didn't stop me from ordering the vest to the left, because no one loves ruffles more than me. That's another thing...
I realized a few days ago upon trying to find something to wear that I have a minimum of 10 ruffled tops in my closet. Tank tops, jackets, tee shirts, button-downs, dresses. I hadn't discriminated in my purchasing. I own at least one of every article of clothing that could have a ruffle on it. I even have a damn wedding dress with tons of ruffles!
I blame J. Crew for this. They've been ruffling everything lately, and as I mentioned, they layer it and make it all look so good, that it wins me over every time. I'm an addict. A ruffle addict.

I bought this navy ruffled jacket (pictured right, in orange) after seeing it the J. Crew winter catalog (shot in Chile in the snow). The model had it on over a paper tee turtleneck, a chemise (yes, a nightgown), and skinny cords with Sorel boots. It looked so cool. I bought the whole ensemble (except the boots, even though I wanted those too). When I tried my version of it, I looked like I had taken an Ambien the night before and slept walked into my closet and chosen the items during REM sleep. It was a mess. I've worn the jacket once, but it didn't look good, and as much as I love it, it's orphaned. The catalog shows the jacket many ways, but all of them involve me wearing a micro mini with a chambray shirt and tie, a pencil skirt with ten necklaces, a vest and a men's caddy hat, or tight cuffed jeans with slingback heels and argyles.

The other style they had me hooked on two seasons ago was the skinny and/or tie belt. I have four ribbon belts with flowers on them, two sparkly belts, and one thin studded belt, all of which make me look wide and disheveled whenever I wear them with anything. I've tried them with dresses, jackets, sweaters....to no avail. Is it the contorted positions models are often in that prevent them from looking like I do? Is it that my waist is five inches wider than theirs? Maybe it's that they faux tuck everything into making sense? That's one place I'll never go.

When we went to NYC a few weeks ago, I wore a fushia dress over skinny jeans, with a blue and white striped sweater over top, and flats. I can't wear short shirts that show my ass (with jeans), so everything I wear must be long. The thing is, to wear long tops, you need to wear a slimmer pant. The problem is I look like I have tree trunk legs in all skinny jeans despite the 100 pairs I own. I try to do the right thing, but it always backfires on me in the mirror. That day, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, and I could have been compared to stage version of George Clinton. It was just a random arrangement of fits and colors. If I was a celeb, I might have been on the "What was she thinking" list that day. I was appalled at myself. I luckily made up for it that the next day with some sassy over the knew boots, and a smart tee/sweater combo. Hooray me!

Alas, a model or a stylist of myself I will never be, but hey, a girl's gotta dream.
I have taken the liberty of including all of the new J. Crew "Collection" pieces I will likely purchase without the ability to ever a) wear together, and b) wear at all. Now I understand why I'm always broke, with lots of clothes, and nothing to wear.

Stuff White People Like

This is the title of a popular book, blog, and calendar series, that truly hits the core of what white people are all about. I am 100 percent everything this book is about. Every page I read, I get spooked more and more that this guy is writing this about me. There were two excerpts about white people loving to correct grammar, and one about how you should become friends with a girl who cuts her bangs because she spends a lot on the haircut that had me dying at my office last week. This morning I read one about how all white people are wearing Ray Ban wayfarers right now, which of course I have been doing for over a year!

I thought I'd share this one about white people hating when a book they've read becomes a movie. I feel this way, and I feel it even more about music I like getting popular. I am so, so white.

Enjoy.

It is a guarantee that whenever it is announced that a popular book is being turned into a movie, white people will get upset. This is partly due to their fear that something they love will be made accessible to more people and thus enjoyed by more people which immediately decreases the amount of joy a white person can feel towards the original property. Yes, it’s complicated.

The other problem is that these announcements create a ticking time bomb where by a white person must read the book in ADVANCE of the release of the movie. This is done partly so that they can engage in the popular activity of complaining about how the movie failed to capture the essence of the book. But more importantly, once a book has been made into a movie, a white person can no longer read that book. To have read the book after the movie is one of the great crimes in white culture, and under no circumstances should you ever admit to doing this. Literally dozens of white friendships have imploded when it was revealed that someone read Fight Club after 1999.

So when it was announced that Where the Wild Things Are was being turned into a feature film, white people didn’t immediately get excited at the prospect of this film, in fact a great number of white people cringed when they first heard it was being turned into a movie. This was merely instinct. Immediately, those concerns quickly turned into an opiate-like peace when they found out that the film is being directed by white person favorite Spike Jonze and adapted for the screen by legendary white writer Dave Eggers.

Though the talent and the material has white people in a tizzy, the real excitement comes from the fact that this film is based off a book that is 48 pages long and made up mostly of illustrations. This means that white people do not have to re-read the book until the day they head to the movie theater. Thus freeing them up to watch The Director’s Series: The Work of Spike Jonze DVD which they bought years ago but only watched once.

Finally, and perhaps of most value to you is that the film has generously provided you with an excellent way to test out how many white friends you have. When the trailer was released a few months ago, you should have been inundated with emails, instant messages, and Facebook wall posts about how you need to see the trailer immediately. If you received no word that the trailer was available, then you currently are in possession of no white friends. If you received multiple notices, you should take note about who sent it to you first.